


When I kissed the Teacher

by Daughter_of_the_TARDIS



Series: Doctor Who AUs [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Flirting, Fluff, Mischief, Space Wives, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-05 20:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17331965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daughter_of_the_TARDIS/pseuds/Daughter_of_the_TARDIS
Summary: “My students think we should date.” She told River, plopping down on the sofa next to her and smiling when she bounced.  The other woman looked amused, although she wasn’t sure if it was because of her bouncing on the couch or the idea that her students had.“But we're married.” her wife pointed out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HiHereAmI](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiHereAmI/gifts).



> So I'm not used to doing Human AUs, but I think this turned out okay :). Thanks to HiHereAmI for requesting it - it was really fun to get out of my comfort zone a bit.
> 
> I hope you like it sweetie!!

There were several teachers at Coal Hill who were loved by their students, but none as much as Professor River Song and Doctor Jane Smith. The two women were polar opposites - Professor Song, the history teacher, was elegant and put together, with a nose for trouble and a head of curls that made her stand out in a crowd. She suffered no fools and took no prisoners. Doctor Smith, on the other hand - who was just called 'the Doctor’ by students and staff alike - was like a tiny Yorkshire puppy, all energy and smiles. She bounced around the school, the tails of her pale blue coat flapping out around her as she raced between classrooms, filling in for whatever teachers needed her help in addition to handling her own classes. She was willing to deal with a lot and far more lenient than her counterpart, but the one thing that she refused to allow was bullying in any form. 

She was heading for her first class of the day - filling in for Sarah Jane’s English Literature class - when she picked up the sound of students giggling. The sound alone was enough to have her smiling, but then she heard a bit of what they were talking about.

“Tell her!” Ryan Sinclair urged, nudging at his best friend. “This is genius, Yaz!”

They were all huddled together at the side of the hall, looking like they were plotting something and trying not to get caught doing so. There were about five or six of them - blonde and brown and black-haired heads clustered together. She drifted closer, wanting to hear what they were talking about.

“If you think it’s such a good idea, you tell her!”

“Tell who what?” she asked, and they jumped as she surveyed the group with a fond expression on her face. The group in front of her were her favorite students, all of them in Years 10 and 11. She knew that she technically wasn’t supposed to have favorites, but she really couldn’t help it - these were the students who always asked the best questions, who came up with the most creative answers to the problems she set them. They loved learning new things and discovering just how much of an adventure life on Earth could be, and there was no one who loved teaching them more than she did. 

Yasmin Khan stepped out of the group, and her friends fell silent as they waited for her to speak. Judging by the way they had been talking, the Doctor was expecting her to say something life-changing, like her family had won the lottery, or there were giant spiders about to take over the school. Instead, what came out was, “Doctor Smith, you should ask Professor Song to go to the cinema with you or somethin’.”

She blinked. “Well we're best friends,” she began, a confused look on her face as she wondered exactly what her students were hinting at. Any other teacher would have shut them down as soon as they started talking about their private lives, but the Doctor was either completely unaware of societal norms, or just didn’t care about them.

But Yaz shook her head. “No, I mean like a date.” she corrected, and the Doctor’s eyes went wide.

“Well, I mean -” she began, a small smile playing across her face. But before she had a chance to finish what she was saying, she was interrupted.

“Yaz's right,” Clara added, big brown doe eyes full of excitement at the idea. “you two would make a cute couple.”

“Yeah, I mean - wait, what do you mean we would make a cute couple?” the Doctor asked, her eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.

“You guys would be so cute together!” Bill, one of the sweetest children that she had met, chimed in. Her curls bounced as she nodded, completely assured that she was right in that way that teenagers were - it would have been annoying if the Doctor didn't completely agree with her. “You’re totally perfect for each other.”

“Ok…” she said, shaking the encounter off and continuing on her way to her next class. “That was weird.” she muttered under her breath, making her way through the halls and dodging students. But the conversation with her students stayed in the back of her head, niggling at her brain no matter what topic she was on.

8888

She arrived home late that night, sighing in relief as the door to her flat closed behind her. She loved being a teacher - she loved the books and the knowledge, the activities and interactions with children, and the looks on her students faces when they figured out the answer to something that they had been struggling with. The one thing she could do without was all the paperwork. She giggled slightly as her old cat, Idris, wrapped herself between her ankles. She bent down to pick the cat up, ignoring the startled protests of the animal before they turned into a purring mess.

“You spoil her.” A familiar voice called out from the kitchen, and Jane grinned. 

“She’s worth it,” she said, nuzzling the cat as she made her way into the kitchen. “Just like her Mummy is.”

“Flatterer.” River said, but there was a pleased look on her face even as she rolled her eyes in amusement. She crossed over from the kitchen to press a kiss to her wife's cheek. She had two glasses of wine, one for each of them, and made her way out of their cramped kitchen into the living room, tucking her feet under her as she sat down. She had changed out of her work clothes, opting for bare feet and a jumper that she had found at a thrift store ten years earlier.

“My students think we should date.” She told River, plopping down on the sofa next to her and smiling when she bounced. The other woman looked amused, although she wasn’t sure if it was because of her bouncing on the couch or the idea that her students had.

“But we're married.” her wife pointed out, a hint of incredulity in her voice only made more obvious by the look on her face.

Jane grinned, bopping her wife on the bump in the middle of her nose and grinning when her face scrunched up. “Apparently they don't know that.” 

“How could they not?” a new voice cut in from the entrance as the door to their flat slammed shut. Jane beamed and River sighed as a familiar dark haired woman sauntered into the room. “You're disgusting, all paired off and nauseating.”

“Nice of you to join us, Missy.” River drawled, rolling her eyes as the woman in question came into view, a set of lockpicks still held in her hands. “Please, come in.”

Missy Masters had been best friends with Jane since the pair were in preschool, making sandcastles that Missy would promptly destroy. The two women were complete opposites - Jane was light haired, dark eyed, and a ray of sunshine, while Missy was dark-haired, light-eyed, and the self-proclaimed 'Queen of Evil'. She threw herself down on the sofa opposite them, throwing an arm over her face and making Jane giggle at the other woman’s dramatics.

“So what are you going to do?”

Jane looked up at her wife, taking a sip of wine. “About what?”

“The students.”

“Oh.”. Jane thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. “Not a clue. Why?”

“I might have an idea.” River remarked, taking a sip of wine. Jane nearly groaned when she saw the mischievous look in her wife’s eyes - it never meant anything good.

“What are you plannin’?” she asked, sounding hesitant. “The last time you got that look we ended up bein’ banned from Vastra’s house for a month because Jenny was so mad at us.”

“Oh you loved it.” River flirted, a small smirk forming on her face as she thought over that particular memory.

“That doesn’t mean we should’ve done it!” Jane protested, although the small smile and hint of a blush on her cheeks betrayed her feelings on the subject.

“Yes, yes, you’re flirting, you’re in love - can it be over now?” Missy interrupted, not even bothering to look at the pair of them. “Honestly, it's nauseating.” Idris hissed at her, like she knew exactly what the madwoman had said and disagreed with it completely. She stuck her tongue out at the cat in return, ignoring the couple on the other sofa.

“What’s your plan, love?” the Doctor asked, pulling everyone's attention back to the original topic. Idris had jumped ship, and so she distracted herself from fidgeting too much by playing with her wife’s hair, separating the individual curls and playing with them.

River smirked. “They want to see us get together so badly… why don’t we have some fun with it?”

Missy sat up and grinned - a sharp, overly toothy grin that looked more feral than happy. “This could be interesting.” she said, cracking one eye open and looking far more interested in the idea than in anything else that had been said.

But Jane wasn’t convinced. “I don't know…”

“You could pretend to hate each other.” Missy suggested, sounding far too gleeful at the thought. Her icy eyes flashed with amusement at the idea, and her face lit up as she looked over at them with hope written on her face.

“I could never hate her!” Jane replied, hazel eyes going wide with horror at the very idea. “She's too… River-y for me to hate her! That would be like hatin’ biscuits, or talkin’.”

If the two women didn’t know her as well as they did, they would have missed the faint blush that played over River’s face. “Thank you sweetie.” she murmured, pressing a kiss to her wife's forehead that made her preen.

Missy drew their attention by miming gagging, and she looked relieved once the two women pulled away from each other. “Honestly, you would think that the two of you hadn’t seen each other for centuries.” Even Jane couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that one.

“Pretending to hate each other is too harsh anyway.” River decided, dismissing the idea. “What if you just give them what they want?”

“What do you mean?” Blonde hair fell into green eyes as she craned her neck to look at her wife.

“Ask me on a date, honey.”

“Ok, but you have to say no.” Jane decided, moving away from River. She turned to face her on the sofa, tucking her legs up under her as she did.

River looked shocked at the very idea. “What for?”

“I don’t like that they’re tryin’ to dig into our lives like this.” Jane admitted, wrapping one arm around her wife and fiddling with her piercing with her free hand. “Besides, it might be fun to play a prank on them all.” her smile turned slightly devious. “I can finally get back at Ryan and Yaz for that prank with my fried egg sandwich.”

“Look at you, being all devious.” River said, looked pleased. “Its rather sexy.”

“Really?” Jane asked, looking oddly proud. Missy pretended to vomit. “You know, this could be rather fun.” she admitted.

An almost feral smile curled over River Song's face for a moment as she pulled her wife back against her side, before turning into something warmer as she stole a look at the woman in her arms. Red-tipped fingers combed through Jane's hair as the two women settled in for a night of crap telly and cuddling on the sofa.


	2. Chapter 2

They waited almost three days to put their plan into action, and then it began - in the middle of a physics block with the same students who had unknowingly set the entire thing into motion. Before the two women began anything, though, they checked their information and found out that Bill and Yasmin had been right. Almost all of the students agreed that the Professor and the Doctor belonged together - there were several different betting pools on when they were going to get together, have their first kiss, who was going to ask who. If it could be bet on, then there was a pool for it.

Not a single person thought of the possibility that the pair were already together, which surprised them. Even a few of the other teachers had expressed interest in the two of them getting together, which left River rolling her eyes and Missy roaring with laughter.

8888

“You’re right.” the Doctor said, putting down her whiteboard marker. Her students looked at each other in confusion - they had no idea what they were right about, but they doubted it had anything to do with physics.

It was Bill who was the first to speak up, like the Doctor knew she would, with a small smile playing across her face. That was one of the things that she loved about the girl - she smiled when she didn’t understand something. “Right about what?”

“Well, I’ve been thinkin’ about what you said.” she replied, leaning back against the whiteboard and ignoring the smears of marker that got on her coat. The entire class waited for her to finish her thought, but she was evidently in a more teasing mood than normal, drawing things out for effect. A smile slowly grew on her face as she watched a room full of students dance with impatience in their seats, waiting to see who would be the first to break.

“What who said?” Ryan was the first one to crack, the words practically spilling out of him like a break in a dam - slowly, then all at once. “About what?”

There was a fire in her eyes the likes of which her students have never seen before - it wasn’t the controlled flames that came when she was angry, or the fireworks display that came with an experiment that had a decent chance of exploding. Instead, it was bright and warm - almost comforting - and made her glow from the inside. “I'm gonna do it.”

While they were starting to get fed up with her elusive behavior, they were willing to pay along for at least a little while longer - she looked too excited to stop her. “Do what?” Clara asked, folding her arms over her chest as she raised an eyebrow at her teacher. 

“I'm gonna ask Professor Song to go on a date with me.” she announced, and a shocked silence filled the room. Dozens of faces stared at their teacher, each one with a bug-eyed look of surprise. It was all the Doctor could do to not start cackling at the looks on their faces.

“What, seriously?” Bill asked, looking slightly skeptical. “You're gonna go ask out Professor Song.”

“Yup.” She nodded, a confident smile on her face. Her eyes lit up with excitement and there was a flush of mischief in her cheeks, but her voice was steady. “Just watch me. She's never gonna know what hit her.”

8888

Word quickly spread throughout the school of what the Doctor was planning to do. For the rest of the day eyes followed her everywhere she went and the halls went silent, only for whispers to begin as soon as they thought that she was out of hearing range. By the time that she had reached the cafeteria, there was a small crowd of students following her through the halls, like little ducklings after their mama. It would have been cute - especially since they all seemed to think that she didn't see them - if not for the flow of voices that followed her.

_Is she really going to do it?_

_She's braver than I am._

_There's no way - no one's ever done it before._

That was all she heard before she stopped listening, too overcome by irritation to hear much else. There was no reason for it, she knew that. But there was still that little voice in the back of her head that wouldn’t stop talking. 

She marched over to River, not giving the curly-haired woman a chance to do anything before she started at it. She was practically bouncing in place, she was so full of nervous energy, but one look at the woman in front of her had her calming down at least a little. 

“Did you invent the airplane?” she began, a serious look on her face. She waited for the Professor to at least look up from her book before she continued, a wide grin forming on her face. “‘Cause you seem Wright to me.” 

A collective groan rang through the room at the terrible line, breaking the spell over them all. But then they all froze, because instead of throwing her lunch in the Doctor's face like they thought she would, the Professor actually smiled. That was enough to have the Doctor continue on in her attempt. Because she knew something that none of the students did - her wife hated pick up lines. She absolutely despised them. But - and she had admitted this soon after they started dating - she didn't mind them when she did them. That memory alone had Jane’s grin growing even wider. She kept going, running through the list of history pick-up lines that she had looked up. 

“You’re the Renaissance to my Dark Ages.” she said next, working hard to keep from giggling at the put-upon look on her wife’s face. “you light up my world.” River’s lips twitched at that one, fighting back a smile. 

“Your beauty could launch a thousand ships?” the Doctor tried, and that one finally got to the curly-haired woman. 

“Really, Doctor?” she laughed, as their students looked on in amazement. “Helen of Troy?” 

“So what do you say, Professor Song?” she asked, rocking back and forth on her heels. “Have I successfully woo-ed you?” 

The Doctor looked so pleased with herself - eyes sparkling with excitement and a flush in her cheeks - that the Professor almost felt bad about what she was going to say. But she managed to do it anyway. 

“Sorry, sweetie, but no.” 

The cafeteria was so quiet that they could hear the proverbial crickets chirping. Every person in the room was staring at the two of them, looking at them with either pity or outrage. It was suffocating, all the judgement pressing in on them and it made her itch. She wanted to run - just grab River’s hand in hers and take off because all the staring was too much for her to handle. 

That was the moment that River grabbed her hand, marking her place in her book and asking her to come back to her classroom to talk about switching class periods for a day. She looks up to meet her eyes, and suddenly Jane can remember exactly why she wanted to do this in the first place - because her wife was excited about it, and she wanted to prank everyone herself. She was excited about that part, really. 

As soon as they were able to talk in private, the two women were giggling like mad. Jane almost felt bad - some of the students had looked so disappointed when River had turned her down. But it would all work out in the end. 

"Those were terrible!” River laughed, her eyes lighting up. 

"Thanks.” her wife looked absurdly pleased with just how bad they were. “I spent ages workin’ on them.” 

"Let's see how long you can keep it up.” 


	3. Chapter 3

They continued on with their prank for almost two weeks - every day, the Doctor would go up to Professor Song and ask her out. She used worse and worse lines every day - to the point where the students kept a list of the best and worst ones. 

“Did you swallow a magnet?” She asked, waggling her eyebrows. “Because you’re attractive.”

“I’m learnin’ about important dates in history.” She said one day, sidling up to River and sliding into the seat next to her. She folded her hands under her chin, trying to act smooth and mostly failing at being anything other than endearing. “D’you want to be one of them?”

“I was wonderin’ if you maybe had an extra heart?” she asked one day, a small pout forming on her face as she rushed over to the table that the Professor always sat at. “Because mine was just stolen.”

“I think you’re suffering from a lack of Vitamin me.” that one had the Doctor giggling even as she said it, already knowing that it wouldn’t work but too excited about just how bad it was to even think about not using it. “But don’t worry - I’m a Doctor, I can help.”

And of course, the classic “Do you want to feel my shirt? It’s made of girlfriend material.”

Every day, the Doctor would ask again. And every day, Professor Song would turn her down, and they would sit together talking about a book or a new documentary that they had seen. They would go home separately, but be pressed up against the door as soon as they got home. They were having a fun time of it as well, until one day after classes when the Doctor had stopped in the teacher’s lounge before going home for the day. It was River’s turn to make dinner, which meant that Jane could take a few extra minutes to steal the last few custard creams from their package.

In truth, she was starting to get tired of their game. There were only so many times that a woman could have her wife reject her before it began to hurt, after all. But River was having so much fun with it that she couldn’t tell her to stop. Every time her eyes lit up and her cheeks flushed in the same way that they did when she was talking about a dig that she wanted to go on. But Jane wasn’t sure that she could take much more of it.

The next day, when River said no, Jane ran.

8888

Everyone watched as the Doctor raced out of the room. River watched her leave, an unreadable expression on her face as she abruptly got up from her chair, heels clicking against the tiled floor as she went after the woman.

It took a few minutes for the history teacher to track her wife down, but she knew the other woman well enough to have at least an idea of where she would go. So she made her way to the Doctor’s classroom, smiling when she saw that the door to the classroom’s storage closet - painted to look like an old-fashioned police telephone box - was cracked open, a warm light coming from inside. She made her way over, pulling the door open. Jane was sitting on the floor, her

“You can’t actually be upset with me.” River said softly, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back against the wall. 

“Why not?” the Doctor shot back, pillowing her head on her arms as she glared up at her wife from her spot on the floor. It was annoying enough that the other woman was an inch taller than she was normally - the extra three or four inches her heels gave her was a completely different issue. She stood up to ease the height difference and River smirked, knowing exactly what the other woman was doing. “I have every right to be upset!”

River looked exasperated - her usual state of being when it came to dealing with the Doctor. “Sweetie, this was your idea!” she reminded her.

Jane flinched slightly, playing with the cuffs of her jacket as her bravado disappeared. “I just… I don’t like doin’ this anymore.” she said, her voice quiet and revealing just how hurt she was. “It was funny at first, but now it just hurts.”

“Then we’ll stop.” 

Despite everything, there was no mistaking the relief in the Doctor’s eyes as she hesitantly looked at her wife. “Really?” she asked, her voice quiet.

“Of course, sweetie.” River said, a gently look on her face as she took in the distress on her wife’s face. “You know I wouldn’t make you go through that. I thought you were having fun with it.”

It was barely even a millisecond later that she was bracing herself against the doorframe, her arms full of an excitable blonde. “I love you.” Jane whispered, and the words made her wife’s heart swell in the same way they always did.

8888

Their original plan was to keep it up for one more day, but they didn't even have to keep the ruse going for that much longer. As soon as they came out of the classroom, talking with their heads bent close together, Clara Oswald was on top of them. At five foot zero, she was intimidating as she could be, wide eyes narrowed into slits and hands on her hips.

“Why won't you go out with the Doctor?” blunt and as straight to the point as ever, the girl was ready to defend her favorite teacher at a moment’s notice.

The Doctor stepped up, as if to protect Professor Song's reputation, but the curly-haired history teacher pushed her back. Her eyes narrowed as she took in the student in front of her

“First of all, Ms. Oswald, I don't see how it's any of your business who I choose to spend my time with.” her words came out with the force of a bullet, intending to do harm but not to kill. “Secondly, I don’t go out with her because I’m already married.”

Not giving the students any time to digest that bit of information, the Doctor stepped forward and slipped her hand into her wife’s. “What a coincidence.” she said, giving the other woman a besotted smile. “So am I.”

And with that, the Doctor grabbed her wife by the front of her shirt, pulling her close as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed her for all she was worth. Her wife melted into it, wrapping her arms around her waist as one hand snuck under her coat, anchoring itself on her bum. All around them, students and staff alike stared, but neither one of them noticed. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice anything going on around them.

“Yes, yes.” Miss Masters said from her spot in the doorway. Students and teachers alike shivered, while Professor Song rolled her eyes and the Doctor beamed - an unusual reaction for anyone to have when coming in contact with the elusive Headmistress. “Now everyone knows your little secret, how lovely.”

“You two are married.” Yasmin was the first to react to the revelation, stepping out of the sea of children who were staring at the pair in disbelief.

River nodded, pulling the Doctor in against her side. “Yes.”

“Really married?” Ryan asked, looking between the two women like one of them had grown a second head

It was the Doctor who confirmed it that time, a wide grin on her face as she “Really married.” 

“But… why didn’t you say anything?” Bill asked. “We’ve been trying to set you up and you’ve been married all this time.”

“We thought everyone knew, at first.” The Professor said, sitting down at one of the cafeteria tables. The Doctor sat next to her, keeping their fingers intertwined as she did so. “But then you told Jane that you thought we should go out, and we thought it might be fun to play around.”

“So you tricked us?”

“Yeah.” the Doctor admitted, a mischievous grin in place. “That part was my idea - it was fun at first, too. The looks on your faces…” she laughed.

“Now then, we’ll be off - it’s date night, and we’ve still got paperwork to finish.” Professor Song said. 

“River insisted on seeing some rubbish film.” the Doctor rolled her eyes, smirking when her wife turned to glare at her. “We could be watchin’ the new Indiana Jones.”

“But I don’t like Indiana Jones.” River shot back, their voices fading slightly as they walked away.

“Its Indiana Jones - how can you hate Indiana Jones?”

“He’s terrible, has no sense of fashion, and would have lost his ability to go on digs ages ago if he was a real person.” the Professor said, her words sounding well-rehearsed, like it was an argument they had had a million times over.

“What just happened?” Bill asked, looking around at her friends in confusion. “Did that just happen? It wasn’t like, a weird dream or something?”

“Your teachers are madly in love and shagging each other, also married. Its hopelessly nauseating and I honestly preferred it when they were trying to kill each other.” Miss Masters said, her icy gaze sweeping over the gathered students. “Now then, get back to class.” with that said, she swept out of the room as well, humming a tune under her breath as she went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this - thank you so much to HiHereAmI for the idea! 
> 
> If anyone else has something that they'd like to have written, feel free to message me, or PM me on tumblr - I'm riversongandsweetie

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on Tumblr at riversongandsweetie!


End file.
